It’s taken me a while to really get to a point where I’m happy with my figure. I remember being a bit thicker than a snicker once upon a time lol. Back in 2008, I was. Maybe the breakup I experienced during that time sped up my metabolism or maybe I was just coming into my own, hormonally. I was young so who knows? Growing up, I was never the “popular girl” with the perfect shape. I wanted to be but it wasn’t something I forced myself to be. Life moves along. I was nine years old when I started to develop my boobies.
It was a hit for the young boys at school for sure. I remember being in the forth grade, in line, when this boy in my class poked me in the side of my right breast. I was set ablaze then, pissed. I told on him because I felt violated and he was told to apologize to me lol. *sigh*
Oh how I miss childhood so much. That experience is something I will never forget. My girls have always been a pretty good size. I guess that could be a positive and a negative. A big bust size runs pretty deep on my mother’s side of the family. It was fine having big boobs with the thick behind to match but after 2006, my weight began to drop. I didn’t know the reason why. My father was a small guy, so I figured I was taking after him. When people started to mention my weight, I became insecure with the image they were seeing. My grandmother, especially, never let me forget how tiny I was. “Girl you skinny. You eat?” Knowing I can eat up a storm, I hated that.
She even mentioned to me about the pastor of a church I use to attend said something about my size. “What’s wrong with her? What happened?” I never knew people looked at me THAT closely. Honesty, yeah, I was hurt by the questions and comments. Brushing them off just wasn’t enough…
Still to this day, I get people that always mention how tiny I am and all. Okay, I get it already. I don’t understand why my weight is such a concern to others. Seriously, I weigh 126 not anything less than 100. When I was given a pair of size 16 pants (kids), I fit them. That crushed my soul. I fit into my nieces’ pants. Ugh. I’ve tried everything from eating even more than usual but no results. I don’t work out at all so what was I to do? I hated my body. Like many females, I’ve compared myself to the video vixens and the everyday chicks. Having thick hips, thighs, and a huge behind seemed to be the “real sexy” and the petite seems to be the “anorexic or non-eaters”.
That stereotype is so ignorant. I can’t help that I’m petite. When my weight dropped, my breast didn’t go anywhere. So I’m still a very petite girl with big boobs. That’s my positive. Whenever I come in contact with someone with curves, many of them are the most conceited people ever. “Oh, I’m better than you because your man looking at my behind.” Ugh. How can anyone be so cut throat? The petite woman is just as beautiful as you may believe yourself to be. Having that stank attitude towards others because you feel you can get further with what you possess is not the way to be.
That makes your character not so pretty. Lately, the little comments that bothered me don’t bother as much as they use to. I’m getting older and learning to love all of me. Do I still have a hard time with my weight? Yes. Upon my relocation back to Atlanta, I will start working out and building muscle. That should do some justice for me, lol. When I look in the mirror, I say to myself sometimes, “Oh man, look at my legs.” “Ugh, I wish my butt was bigger.” All these things, then I realize how good I got it. There are so many girls that are struggling with believing that the smaller they are, the more beautiful they will be.
That is a disease. There are women out there that feel being so thick or big is ugly and go through drastic measures to become a size negative 0. If that’s even a size. That is also a disease. We all come in many shapes and sizes. We are not all meant to be small or thick.
Have you ever seen a thick girl lose weight and she gets negative feedback of how it doesn’t suit her? Have you ever seen a small girl put on weight and get the, “What the hell happened to you” look? Exactly. There is a happy medium that can be found. I plan on gaining a decent amount of weight through exercise. Certain people adore my figure. It has its positives and negatives. Positives: I’m light. I can eat what I want and not gain boulders of pounds. I’m flexible. Negatives: People will always have something to say. I’m going to put it to you this way, whether you love yourself or not, just know you can always do something about it.
If you feel losing weight will give you a change. Do what you got to do. If you feel putting on weight will give change, do what you got to do. The only thing that matters is that you’re healthy and happy with who YOU are. There will forever be room for improvement. Do it positively. Do it because you want better for yourself, not anyone else. I love my figure and the boobs that’s stuck with it. Ladies, you are beautiful. Big, small, yellow, blue, green, or chalked… someone loves your figure, someone loves your beauty, someone appreciate your strength. Remember the song “Pretty” by TLC? I’ve had to learn to act on that message in my own life. Love YOU for you. 🙂
“Don’t continue to do the same thing expecting different results. You will see the same thing, regardless. Try doing that very same thing in a different way and it will show a payoff. Stay beautiful.”
I have dealt with self-love issues in the past as well. I think all women go through this from time to time.I never really hear it from the perspective of a smaller woman, so this was very enlightening to read.
In high school, I was small with big breasts, so I can definitely relate to you with that.I remember being so embarrassed when guys would stare, point, or try to sneak a feel…. I get disgusted just thinking about it.My friends thought they were a blessing but I then felt otherwise.They made me feel very insecure.
Two years after graduating high school, after I had my first child, they got bigger.My insecurity grew as well.But over time, the rest of my body caught up with my chest size and even surpassed it. Needless to say, I began to have issues with my weight as well.
Now, I am practicing self love.I embrace my curves.And while you say people admire curvaceous women, where I live I feel they don't.Someone is always staring or making comments of some sort.It used to bother me a lot, but I've learned that either way someone will have something to say.When I was small, people made fun of me.As I got bigger, people made fun of me.But at the end of the day, when I walk out of my door with a smile and confidence, I feel beautiful.Eventually everyone else around me catches on!
Please know that you are beautifully and wonderfully made just the way you are 🙂
I relate completely. Thank you for leaving your story. It's true, I guess we can't win for losing either way it goes. When I realized how real it was for people to always have an opinion about what is "beautiful" and "attractive", I stopped caring. I stopped trying to gain more to look curvaceous. I accept me flaws and all. Not everyone will find my shape to be perfect but I find it to be perfect for me.
It may also depend on the different environments and the people living in them. They say California is the city of the most beautiful and skinny people but when they mention the south, it's obese and filled with unhealthy people. There are beautiful people throughout this entire country and beyond. The comments I receive from family and total strangers have taught me more than anything. Who cares what people say? Let them talk. We all have the right to speech.
I may be dealing with this now but based on the women in my family, they were all slim and gained more of their figures soon after birthing children. I'm sure that will be me as well. People will probably have their opinions then but until that day I will continue to love all of me. Women as a whole need to realize that it's our confidence and how we see ourselves that make us beautiful inside and out. If we allow others to run our self-esteem down to the ground, we are bound to start believing all he vernacular they throw at us.
Stay beautiful ^_^
This is a great blog post. Usually we hear the overweight people complaining about body image—it's interesting to hear the other side of the story. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this!
Thank you so much! Sometimes we often forget that we all experience something to this extent. Just learning to love yourself is all the world really needs. 🙂